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Owlish's Journal


Owlish's Journal

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40 entries this month
 

06:52 Jan 25 2015
Times Read: 677


Having my hair in waves makes me feel like a tiny, 5 foot goddess. I think the feeling is accentuated by the half-a-head of ocean-green hair, too.



I want to go to the beach, but for once in my life, I live hours from the ocean. It's bizarre. Maybe this is why I have incorporated the colours of the ocean into my hair - ocean green and sand yellow ombre.


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06:42 Jan 25 2015
Times Read: 681


One week to go. I am kind if excited, kind of... not.


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06:38 Jan 25 2015
Times Read: 685


I don't think anyone who loves you can cheat on you. Seriously, if they're going to cyber or sleep with another person, how can you ever maintain trust in them? They clearly have absolutely no self-control, they clearly don't respect you or your feelings, and they're... just a bastard, man or woman.



"Oh baby, I am so sorry, I love you so much, I'll never do it again!" - uh-huh.

The lying, repetitive lying, the slinking and sneaking, the guilt (or lack of) - everything is just disgusting and I don't see how people can fall for that.

I get that you may be in love with them, but they clearly aren't with you. I don't see why people cling to things that are so broken. I really don't.



I also don't see why people view men who cheat as a 'boys will be boys' sort of thing, but if a woman does it, she's a (and I quote) "slut", or the woman in the affair with the married man is a "slut".

This is one of very few female-perceptions that I staunchly hate. This ridiculous notion where if a man does it, he's a 'playa', but if a woman does it, she's a 'slut' and a 'cunt' - both of those terms (and so many more) relating to female anatomy and sex.



Women have fucking vaginas. Sometimes they use these vaginas for more than making and having babies. Sometimes they use them for... *gasp* PLEASURE. A woman who uses her lady parts for this is in no way inferior to an uptightly conservative woman.



It's attitudes like that which hinder progression of things like sexual health education and shaming. It's people like that who perpetuate the idea that to have a vagina is to be somehow possessing something shameful, something secret, something no-one should ever talk about.


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Isis101
Isis101
06:43 Jan 25 2015

To me, both sexes can be sluts - lol.



And true - no one can love you if they don't respect you. I learned that the hard way. Had to say 'buh-bye'.





LORDMOGY
LORDMOGY
20:14 Jan 25 2015

 photo REPLY3_zpsoy6yljix.jpg



 

14:50 Jan 19 2015
Times Read: 728


I managed to get a lovely, silky polyester blouse, which was originally $40, for $14 (including postage). It's a deep purple, and it's just so lovely. So lovely.

The back of it has cut-outs and a "racer back" panel in sequins. Ffffs.



I am hoping to be able to wear it to work. I have one single other blouse, so I'm looking forward to sourcing more at a reasonable price. I may need to sew in a lace panel under the sequins, or another shade of polyester. Not that I am self-conscious about my back anymore - it is smooth, toned and delicious, but I don't want my fish tattoo showing, and I want it to be appropriate. It's not like it shows a huge deal - just shoulder blades, but still.



I ordered it a size up, so I should be able to tuck it into my trousers. It'll be amazing. My shoes are a light lavender - it. will. be. amazing.

Hopefully they send me the correct size - the store has messed up my order once before. Mind you, that was only once, and I've ordered from them plenty of times.



I cannot wait to receive it.


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04:57 Jan 18 2015
Times Read: 743


Gosh darn, I am ridiculously healthy. I was hungry but couldn't figure out what to eat. As such, I made a small bowl of porridge/oatmeal, it's delicious and healthy and... unf. It's delicious.

Half a cup of dried oats, a small handful of fresh blueberries, splash of low-fat soy milk (which is stupidly low in calories but ridiculously high in nutrition), a teaspoon of crunchy peanut butter (which has a very surprising amount of protein in it - go google it) and a teaspoon of golden syrup/honey/maple syrup.



It is so freaking yummy. Banana would also be good, small slices of apple (or even steamed apple - yummy!), sultanas/raisins, dates, raspberries...



It's so good.


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16:27 Jan 17 2015
Times Read: 765


I broke a personal rule and now am sad. This will be illustrated by seven and a half sad faces.

:(

:(

:(

:(

:(

:(

:(

:



So much sad.







No, but seriously.



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NeverMind
NeverMind
23:12 Jan 17 2015

I tried that once, having personal rules...but they never seemed to take too well.





 

15:26 Jan 17 2015
Times Read: 776


It's 2.20am. I am still freaked out by the person/s I heard outside, and the car alarms that kept going off. I have double-locked all the doors and windows, but I still don't feel safe. One door has three locks on it, all are locked, and I still don't feel safe.

Ugh.

Since I'm only in the company of Mocha, I can essentially make as much noise as I please - I am considering having a shower soon, making a cup of tea and then bedding down for the night. Mocha is exhausted, he's sleeping in my lap, kind of. He doesn't sleep properly until I am in bed with him, and the lights are off, or the room dimmed. I feel bad about that.

Poor lil' guy.



I haven't heard a car alarm in the last two hours, so I may TRY sleep. I feel so antsy. I love the solitude, but I want housemate back already.


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15:20 Jan 17 2015
Times Read: 777


It's like talking to a brick wall. A. Brick. Wall.

No, a doorknob.

A stack of post-it notes.







I get more stimulating, meaningful and understanding conversation from my 15 week old kitten.

That's not saying much though, because I genuinely enjoy his company more than I do most people.







Mocha's over his cold, and I am slowly recovering. Slowly. Sigh. I am so glad he's okay though.


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14:53 Jan 17 2015
Times Read: 781


When I read about people being happy, I feel all nice and fuzzy. It's nice seeing uplifting things, passion, joy, love. It's so nice.

I started following some really awesome blogs on Tumblr. I get photos of tea, bunnies, cute cats, funny cats, grumpy cat (whose real name is Tardar Sauce - did you know?), nice homey things, funny things... it's a lovely mixture.


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14:36 Jan 17 2015
Times Read: 783


I seem to live in a bit of a bad suburb. Heard someone outside my cottage earlier in the night, didn't dare go look, later heard car alarms going off, all down the street.

I hate to say it, but jogging here makes me nervous. With my figure and the tight clothing I jog/do yoga in, I feel ridiculously vulnerable.

I don't know why this is - I know why I feel vulnerable, but I mean that I don't know why I feel... hm. I feel stupid for feeling vulnerable, and this makes me further consider why I find the police force to be appealing. In fact, this weird feeling of vulnerability makes it MORE desirable. I have a strong back from swimming, but I still feel... weird.



I 'prone bridge'd tonight for 15 seconds, which I am actually really happy with. I'm doing it morning and night, recording my times.





In unrelated events...

I did something tonight that was possibly mean. I feel bad for that... but I also think I expressed myself clearly, articulately, and I didn't soft-coat my opinion so I would feel later as if I hadn't said all that I meant to say. I don't think I left room for incorrect interpretation, and yet there was either misunderstanding or complete ignoring.

It was a long time coming.


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11:23 Jan 17 2015
Times Read: 785


Classes start on Monday, or, if I am exempt (they said I was for the first week, but I need to double check), the Monday after. I am emailing the people now to confirm.



I am hoping to jog to class in the mornings, or at least walk, and then catch the bus home. Classes don't start until 9am, so I am hoping that if I give myself an hour and a half to walk there, it'll be plenty of time, and eventually I can jog it. I am hoping the same thing for work placement (like an internship) - there's two that are about a mile from where I live, which is easy walk/jog distance. I've walked to places very close to the places I'll be working, which is good.



I'm mostly worried about Mocha, and what he will do in the day. I'll be gone 5 days a week, 7.30-8am, to 4-5pm.

Hopefully housemate will be around, or her boyfriend, to watch over Mocha and the puppy, or at least spend about an hour with them.



I feel like my life is finally picking up speed.


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Fare thee well, PM.

05:01 Jan 17 2015
Times Read: 794


VR looks so odd from a non-PM point of view.


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15:00 Jan 16 2015
Times Read: 800


I was considering doing a 5km (3.1 miles) run - Color Run - but it's stupidly expensive. $60 for a shirt, sweatbands and one packet of colour, plus the 'prestige' of running for them... nope.

Seems to be the season for these though, since there's a similar event for half the price. No colour, but equally good cause... it has potential.

I have a month before I need to make a decision. I think it'd be great - the money goes towards research, which would be an added benefit.





I think it'd be fun.


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15:08 Jan 14 2015
Times Read: 809


Fuck. Accidentally pressed "Bite" on someone's profile. It's literally been years since that has happened to me.


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13:41 Jan 14 2015
Times Read: 813


Ahhh, religious music sung by Celine Dion - gosh, her voice is sublime. Since writing this, I've moved onto Enya - religious music but sung in Latin.

"Cursum Perficio" is one of my favourite songs - period. It's magnificent. It is magnificent. Her whole Watermark album is amazing. It STILL makes me cry.


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11:32 Jan 14 2015
Times Read: 818


Yoga and Basshunter tonight, 8am start tomorrow.

I can't sleep when angry. Ugh.

I think I will read my Red and Gold book, listen to some music and then do yoga, then sleep.



I know it will work, with the absolute honesty and sincerity of a child - I know music, yoga and meditation will fix my snarly red thoughts.

It's a beautiful thing.


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07:57 Jan 14 2015
Times Read: 822


I am weighing options. I am considering completely ditching university and getting back into EEN, if not this year, then next, and working as an assistant in that time.



Why?

Because I want to travel, god fucking damnit.





I want to work myself to the bones, until I am raw, until I have seen all the things that regular people should not have to see, and then go travel for a few months. Of course, I want to go to the US first - but I also want to go to Sweden and Norway.

I. Want. Fjords. And so help me god, I will have them.



Sigh. I am weighing up non-uni careers I wouldn't mind - Federal/State Police is looking mighty fine, but I don't know if I could take that overseas with me.

I love midwifery. I will do it. I am just frustrated with not being able to do it NOW. I want to start living. I want something satisfying.

My parents may disown me if I join the police force. Haha! I'm looking into the training requirements, for both state and AFP.



I'm sure I can do it.


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21:21 Jan 13 2015
Times Read: 838


I just read an article and it... wow. WOW. The utter disregard for human life is astounding - it's a scar-mongering article about a lady's homebirthing experience, where she essentially slamming the experience and the world of home birthing.



She didn't:

See a doctor for any natal visits leading up to her birth.

She didn't hire or consult a midwife.

She did not educate herself.

She did:

Want an 'internet birth'.

Hire a doula who clearly stepped WAY outside their scope.

Think paying for PHOTOGRAPHS was more important than MEDICAL care.



I can't even... and she then has the nerve to blame others.



Jesus christ.


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sahahria
sahahria
22:12 Jan 13 2015

Read that today too. It's horrible how under educated some people are- and that doula needs to not practice any more. They were completely in the wrong. I don't know one doula who will do homebirth without a midwife or Md over seeing the birth.





Owlish
Owlish
00:37 Jan 14 2015

It made me so sad, and so... I can't even really express it. I agree with you. Doulas should never work outside a midwife or Md.





sahahria
sahahria
03:20 Jan 21 2015

Here's a great one about what a doula should do :)





http://juliebyers.com/doula/doulaswhodonothing/





 

12:09 Jan 13 2015
Times Read: 859


I feel so torn. I have agreed to go to a meeting for something my sister really believes in. I don't believe in it at all. I am going to a) please her and b) justify my hatred - yes - my hatred - for the association.



They're morally and ethically devoid, they prey on everyone and they make me sick to my stomach... but I agreed to attend a meeting/event where they try suck people into their scheme, because I adore my sister, silly as she is, and hope that if I refuse a second time, after going, that she will accept it.



I am seriously unsure whether I can hold it together though. The words "hepatic cancer", "world-wide lawsuits", "pyramid scheme"... must not utter those phrases. Must not walk out early.

Sigh.


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imagesinwords
imagesinwords
12:28 Jan 13 2015

I understand, man. That's one of the quickest ways to send me running for the hills.



When I first got married (over 17 years ago), we were approached by Amway, and went to one of their meetings. They tried to get us started, and we told them we didn't have the money. The first thing they said to that was, "Well, don't you have anything in your house you can sell? A TV? VCR? Jewelry?" I knew right away they didn't give a crap about anyone. Anything to make their money- they'd propose we get rid of any valuables we might have to line their pockets.



Over the years, I've been pitched by Primerca, Melaleuca, tons of others. The only company I would still buy products from (although I won't get into the business) is Beachbody. P90X, Insanity, all those cool work-outs really work... you just have to put the effort into them. But there's no reason to get into selling the products myself. I refuse to get involved in those kinds of sales. Anyone can buy that stuff straight off their website and bypass any independent sellers anyway.





Owlish
Owlish
12:49 Jan 13 2015

Herbalife is the one she's trying to get me into. I searched into the company and their legalities and lawsuits take up most of their wikipedia. They're known for increases in occurrence of hepatic cancer and failure, fraud, illegal scheme and... ugh. It's under investigation by the US Federal Trade Commission, for the love of Christ. They started in 1980, and were sued 5 years later for nearly a million dollars. Yet most people don't know this.



They sell their products as if they are miracle cures - literally. My sister is a good person, but she got sucked in so badly. She genuinely thinks the products she sells are "the only form of nutrition you can get", and that she is changing lives. It breaks my heart.



She wants me to use the products and potentially sell them - I know she's thinking it'll help me lose the rest of my weight, and save humanity by selling it, but I just... couldn't. It's so wrong.



It's not even just the product, but the way they suck people in - they start easy and ask questions they know you'll answer "Yes" to ("Do you want to be fit and healthy and help others be the same?") - and then they've got people rabidly hooked.



If it was a completely nutritionally balanced thing, there'd be no 'starving kids in Africa'. It would be phenomenal, but it's not. It's just another shoddy flavoured meal-replacement that fosters medically, mentally and physically unhealthy ideas.





imagesinwords
imagesinwords
12:54 Jan 13 2015

Oh yeah- I have a friend that sells that stuff too. I have seen a bunch of websites about their legal troubles as well. Screw Herballife.





Owlish
Owlish
13:07 Jan 13 2015

:(





 

12:09 Jan 13 2015
Times Read: 860


I feel so torn. I have agreed to go to a meeting for something my sister really believes in. I don't believe in it at all. I am going to a) please her and b) justify my hatred - yes - my hatred - for the association.



They're morally and ethically devoid, they prey on everyone and they make me sick to my stomach... but I agreed to attend a meeting/event where they try suck people into their scheme, because I adore my sister, silly as she is, and hope that if I refuse a second time, after going, that she will accept it.



I am seriously unsure whether I can hold it together though. The words "hepatic cancer", "world-wide lawsuits", "pyramid scheme"... must not utter those phrases. Must not walk out early.

Sigh.


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14:46 Jan 12 2015
Times Read: 868


I just finished watching Sense and Sensibility (1995, I do believe), and oh my lord, it made me cry. I started reading the book but never got more than a few pages in - someone had said it wasn't as good as Pride and Prejudice, but... I disagree. I am smitten. I absolutely loved it.

Even Mocha loved it.

Jkjk, he's been skulking around my bedroom, alternating between sleeping on the floor and my lap.

Cutie pie.



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16:55 Jan 11 2015
Times Read: 871


I'm not tired but I know I should sleep, as I am going to get some fresh air tomorrow.

Eugh.


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16:32 Jan 11 2015
Times Read: 872


I just finished Allegiant - and I loved the ending. If you haven't read, or don't want to know the ending, don't read further.



I am going to give a quick rundown.



Divergent, and especially Insurgent, annoyed the everloving fuck out of me. The main character is Beatrice - "Tris" is her name for majority of all books.

She is 16. She lives in what was once Chicago, the entire city is guarded by a wall, and no-one knows what is outside of it. Her world is divided into 'factions'. There are five factions, each for the main traits of humanity.



The factions are:



Erudite: Those who seek knowledge and prize it above all else.



Dauntless: Those who are brave.



Amnity: Peace-loving and easy going, desiring simple life without conflict.



Candour: Those who value truth above all else.



Abnegation: Those who value compassion, kindness and selflessness.



The main character, Tris, is a mix of Dauntless, Abnegation and Erudite. She hardly ever acts like an Erudite or an Abnegation, however.

The people in the factions are genetically modified to be just ONE Faction.



So, anyway, the thing that annoyed me is that Tris is essentially a normal teenager, rash and unthinking, eager to throw herself into danger without thinking of others beforehand. She has a boyfriend who is... exceedingly nice. He's Abnegation, sweet and kind and occasionally rash, but that's a throwback to his fucked up past.

She continually picks fights with him, wears him down and goes through periods of not speaking and 'needing space to think'. He doesn't trust her - rightfully so - because she continually lies to him and deceives him, while telling him that she loves him. He's had a bad past - all he needs is for someone to trust him, but also explain things, and give him THEIR trust - which she does not do.

She's a petulant teenager - and I hated her in the second book to the point where I considered not reading it at all.



Eventually the Faction system fails, and Tris goes through periods of wanting to disable the rebellion and helping it, equally confused because she is too rash to think things out. This leads to her nearly dying, several times, and she continually WANTS to die in the first two books, and quite a large portion of the third. My hatred deepens.

She doesn't give a fuck about the fact that she hurts her boyfriend more and more each time, she just goes along with her 'I'm gonna die to save the world' bullshit, time and time again. Understand, dear reader, that she doesn't want to save the world - just wants to die and look like a hero. She just wants to be dead.



Which is why, when she is shot in the head and dies, it is so satisfying.







She survives so much. She survives multiple gun/knife wounds, being beaten within an inch of her life, lethal injection sequences - MULTIPLE times - and EACH time she is in those situations because she wants to die. In the last book, when she dies, she once again decides to die, and then goes to her death. The main difference is that in her death she literally is the only person who could have literally pressed the button and save the world, as she was the only one resistant to the poison.



I am exceedingly glad she died - one of the utmost issues I have with books is characters repetitively surviving death, when they shouldn't. Not just once, but time and time again, and not due to any amazingness on their part, but sheer luck, or quick thinking of those around them. Hunger Hames is such a series where it would have been better had Katniss died. It would have been a fulfilling book - because I want... realism. I think Tris and Katniss are essentially the same - main difference being that Katniss fights for survival and overcomes odds - whereas Tris doesn't give a fuck about living.



I'm 21 fucking years old - I want books where people die, not fairytale endings. This is one of many reasons as to why I love GoT.



I am glad the main character died, and there's more than just the 'she was a bad character' and 'it was logically right' -

if her boyfriend died, she would have been like Katniss - broken and useless. She would have never found a new boyfriend, she would have been one of those 'forever alone' characters who is unable to get their shit together.



Her boyfriend is kind, gentle and compassionate and is going into politics - she would have just existed - or killed herself. He will go on, get married to a demure but strong lady, and have a child, move on with his life and be great. The main character was not a person who inspired hope, peace or any form of leadership.

In fact, when you read the supplementing book from the boyfriend's POV, I got the feeling HE is the main character - you're essentially just reading about her as if she was simply a scarring chapter of his life. Some people would argue that she is good for him - I don't see any evidence at all. Anyone could have done for him what she did - and been less mentally scarring. She deepened his insecurities and fears, not released him from them.



I had more to say on this, and I've deleted so much, but... yeah. I didn't mind the books - the system was interesting, and the communism was actually beautiful - but the author tried to tug at your heart when the main character died - and it just did not happen for me - or my housemate, for that matter. We both disliked the main character and were glad when she died.

I think this would have been a more moving series if the main character had been a bit older, less of a kid, understanding she was dating a very hurt and frail ADULT, and just generally being... nicer.







So... yeah. I am over teen books - hell, I was over them when I first read them - I don't care what sort of recommendation they come with, I will not be reading them. I'm sick of stupid teen female characters. They're all the same - Bella, Katniss and Tris all try do the 'sacrifice' thing, and it is literally exactly the same scenario over and over again.


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04:07 Jan 11 2015
Times Read: 878


The puppy is barking... arrrrgh.

I may be having visitors some time in the future. I don't know when they may be coming, but it'd be nice.

I received and returned phone calls, got bad news and good news. The bad had already worked itself out, which was less worrying.



I've spent most of the day lounging around, snuggling Mocha and attempting to pamper myself - which is hard when you're sick and without patience.



I found some absolutely gorgeous covers for Surface Pro 3. They are wooden - and not fake - they're extremely thin slices of wood with adhesive backings that apparently add no noticeable weight to the Pro. They're $44USD... I am going to order one when work starts.

http://www.toastmade.com/surface/



Beautiful.


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12:45 Jan 10 2015
Times Read: 882


I watched "The Beautiful Mind" - well, the last hour and a half. It made me cry. Sheesh, I'm a pushover for movies relating to mental health...

Since I'm not Schizophrenic, I have no idea if it was an accurate - according to a few websites it is, but Nash's type and control are extremely rare. He's a Nobel Prize Winner - he is exceedingly intelligent and logical, and it's apparently extremely hard to distinguish between real and delusion/hallucination.

However it glossed over the immense struggle he had, and a few darker sides.



I enjoyed, either way.


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06:37 Jan 10 2015
Times Read: 889


No-one ever has time for that 'Blaze' shit.



Sigh.



My cough is steadily getting worse, my patience shorter. This is generally a sure-fire sign I should go to bed, but I've already slept too much today. Poor Mocha's echoed me, and has been sleeping.

He accidentally sat in his water bowl and it was hilarious. He was like "OooooOOOoh!".

Silly kitten. Silly, hilarious kitten.


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00:43 Jan 10 2015
Times Read: 895


Grilled cheese with aioli, rocket, English Spinach, shredded beetroot and carrot... makes me feel magnificent. I was tempted to put tuna on my grilled cheese, but it would have ruined it. Herring or sardines would have been perfect, though.

I have decided I can't be bothered in going to the store - if I get much worse in sickness, I'll go, but I'm alright for now.

I don't favour the half-mile walk in this turgid weather while congested.

Sad but true.

I should have asked housemate to get some eucalyptus lozenges for me, but... I didn't. She has euca oil, so if I get too bad overnight, I will put a few drops of the oil into a bowl of hot water and humidify my room.


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22:01 Jan 09 2015
Times Read: 902


Uuuugh. I just want to clean, shower, brush my teeth and clean my mouth/throat ferociously and then get into bed with a nice book and some hot chocolate.

It's rainy, the sky is dark... perfect.

The fact that I'm sick is only going to help me achieve this goal.

Maybe I could alternate between a videogame...

we need hot chocolate. I may go buy some when I buy medicine for my throat/sinuses.


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21:56 Jan 09 2015
Times Read: 903


The utter lack of regret is fantastic, although I have a feeling I'll regret my lack of regret... ah well.



I got up early but didn't go for a jog. My throat is like sandpaper, swollen and sore... kind of? Kind of sore.

Shopping yesterday was delightful. European imported food for incredibly low prices - yes please. I adore Aldi, even though it doesn't have a food range. It's like... Costco cheap.


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21:45 Jan 09 2015
Times Read: 904


Reached my limit.

Snapped.

Do not regret it.



Also, drives me fucking nuts when people say "my people" when the ethnicity they are talking about is at least TEN GENERATIONS REMOVED from themselves.

Know how I say I'm English-Australian? That's because I'm the daughter of a migrant - meaning my parents are... ENGLISH! WOW! None of this "I come from Irish people" bullshit, where you're actually 10-gen removed.

"FREEDOM FOR MY PEOPLE" - oh please. You're an American - not 40 other different races - which confuses me when Americans say they're actually German/whatever, when they are generations removed.



You have English/German/Irish/Icelandic HERITAGE if you are such and such generations removed.

You're not actually French or whatever you claim. Do you speak Irish? Are you eligible for a passport or citizenship - like I am? No? Then grow up.



This is something that is really irritating for an Australian, as our country is still a baby. We are accepting migrants and immigrants, refugees and so on, still. This means we're literally the children of other nations. Not this "I am the descendant of a first fleeter, therefore I am English".



No.

Go home, you're all drunk.


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07:06 Jan 09 2015
Times Read: 921


Boyfriend changed all the headings within IS... oh lord... he's so freaking cute. He makes me smile until my cheeks hurt, laugh until my chest aches.


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02:44 Jan 09 2015
Times Read: 929


I made an acquaintance through my boyfriend, and I am actually... really impressed. I am really liking the person. They post great things, they're nice and all that, and I'm just impressed.



I really want something creamy and/or cheesy for dinner, since I am losing my voice. My throat doesn't hurt, it's just... dead. Ded ded ded. Creamy/cheesy stuff goes down better. I am tossing up between vegetable mornay casserole, or vegetarian lasagne. I have never, ever liked lasagne, because the meat made me feel so very, very ill. As it is, I shouldn't be eating cream or large amounts of cheese, haha.

I am hoping I can find a cauliflower recipe that will be tasty and satisfy my needs.


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14:15 Jan 08 2015
Times Read: 937


I think I may start jogging. Unless I walk long distances (I'm talking 15 miles - a good hour and a half of walking) or leisurely uphill for a prolonged period of time, then... I feel nothing, which isn't satisfying.

I have been doing quite a bit of walking lately, as we've been doing touristy things, and it's never made me seriously out-of-breath - which is a GOOD thing, because my stamina is getting back to what it used to be - but it feels physically unsatisfying.

I don't get that pleasant aching, I just feel the smooth motion of muscles that feel well-oiled.

I want to... kick it up a notch.



Lately I have been staying up fairly late, for a multitude of different reasons - anxiety, headaches, Mocha tearing around my room as if someone's pulled his tail... so if I can buy some cheap joggers tomorrow, I am hoping to go for a jog at about 5am the next day.

I live very, very close to a field, so I think I will try make it a quarter of the way around. I'm going to time it and keep record, like I did with my swimming, and see how I go.


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Judgement
Judgement
22:54 Jan 08 2015

TOO EARLY

DANGEROUS CITY





 

14:02 Jan 08 2015
Times Read: 939


Today was so improved upon its predecessor. I did not panic, I calmly took things into stride. We talked about it, like adults. We laughed, and I broke her in hilarity. It was great. I have back-up plans, and it'll all be okay.

I have a sore throat, raspy and swollen. I think it's from sickness, and not self-done, so tomorrow I'm going to buy some medicine and fix myself as best I can. I cannot afford to be sick when I will soon be working with medically, immune vulnerable people.

Mocha is such a joy, every day. He's been biting less, and snuggly more, which is just lovely. I love him biting, sleeping, snuggling, hissing, running around as if he's on fire, playing floor-is-lava... I love him utterly and completely.


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13:50 Jan 08 2015
Times Read: 941


I am attempting something pretty new and freaking scary.

I was talking to a beloved friend of mine, and she said "[if it were me, I find] wearing my heart on my sleeve yields better results than trying to be nice or polite".





A few times, I've snapped and told people what I honestly thought, and while it was hard (and mostly said in anger, but without malicious intent), it... worked.

I am going to try be more... well, I think I am already an honest person, so my goal isn't to 'try be more honest', but try to be more diplomatic and THOROUGH in expressing my feelings - to make sure I am saying what I mean, and not just being polite.



You know? Take a chance and more often input my opinion, not just agree because it's the nice thing to do.


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14:49 Jan 07 2015
Times Read: 946


Oh, magnificent headache, you're the bane of my existence... you and my possibly-sick throat.

Ugh. Earlier I was so worked up that I now have a headache, can't sleep, puffy eyes and a scratchy throat. I'm not sure whether it's from the sobbing or the attempts to muffle said sobs, or I could just be getting a sore throat.

Just what I want.


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12:17 Jan 07 2015
Times Read: 958


And like that - things are somewhat stable. I'll figure things out. It'll be okay. It will always be okay.


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Dakotah
Dakotah
14:00 Jan 07 2015

Sending you warm thoughts that you are ok.





 

11:08 Jan 07 2015
Times Read: 964


Everything is a little more unstable now. Everything.



I've been alternating between sitting on my chair, and fretting, and sitting on my bed, and fretting.



Fret fret fret.



I don't know how to go about this.


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22:20 Jan 05 2015
Times Read: 974


I have received an unexpected double streak of luck.

I need to get dressed before I walk some distance to take advantage of it.



The nerves are setting in.


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04:09 Jan 04 2015
Times Read: 981


Things over the last day have been awkward. Very awkward.

I survived a minor house fire. My housemate accidentally set the oven on fire, and then extinguished it. We jumped around like Sims when it happened - which greatly amused me afterwards. Housemate slammed the door of the oven shut, and then turned off the power - so she effectively smothered the fire and killed the heat source.

Quick thinking, 99.

No damage at all was sustained, to either house or person. We were incredibly lucky in that we were standing right in front of the oven when it started spewing flames.

It took a long time to clear the house of smoke and even longer for our surprised laughter to stop.





Our puppy was growling and barking before we went to sleep. We checked to see what he was making a ruckus over, but it was nothing. About an hour after we went to bed, a visitor who is staying with us herd noises outside the door (main entrance to the house is where she was sleeping, as, weirdly, it's a bedroom). She panicked and realised that the door was unlocked, and that she could see people out there (at 1am). She slammed the door closed and the people ran down our driveway - she watched them leave.





Mocha nearly broke his leg this morning, playing on a chair. He was pawing and batting the puppy, and his little leg slipped between the slats of the back of the chair. The puppy, continuing to play, not realising the kitten was stuck, then tried to drag Mocha off the chair. The resulting screech and yowling was hideous.

I freed Mocha's leg and gently touched it, to make sure it wasn't broken. He pulled away a bit, but then let me do thorough examinations - he is fine. He's not even limping on it.







Last 24 hours... ugh.


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